Once, when I told her to empty the dishwasher, my daughter’s face clouded into a scowl. But it wasn’t simply that she didn’t want to empty the dishwasher. No, she told me that she had been just about to get up and empty the dishwasher on her own. As soon as I told her to do it, I stole the virtue of doing it solo, and I robbed her of her agency. And now, she wanted to sit down and NEVER empty the dishwasher.

Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. But wait, there’s more:

The other day, a friend said, “I really don’t like being told what to do. It's a defining element of my personality. To the point where, if I made a plan yesterday, today I'm like, Past-Me can shove it. Today-Me gets to decide.”

Which, fine. But that can actually get in the way of doing what Past-Me definitely knows is the right thing to do. Awkward!

If you feel a little called out by these examples, well, congrats! You might just be a card-carrying member of the Rebel Tendency club.

Rebels, as described by Gretchen Rubin, are all about autonomy and doing things their own way. Tell a Rebel to do something and their gut reaction is often "You can't make me!" or "I'll show you!"

As one CFW participant put it, "If I don't have a damn good reason to do a thing, it's not happening. It's painful, because I often stop short of real successes or sabotage my progress."

The Rebel Tendency

​The Four Tendencies personality framework developed by Gretchen Rubin, “offers insight into how we respond to expectations—from ourselves and others—so that we can more effectively achieve our aims.”

Rebels, as described in the framework, resist both external expectations of them, and also their own expectations of themselves. They're all about autonomy, self-expression, and individuality. Rebels often butt heads with habits and structure because they feel hemmed in by rules and routines, even when they're self-imposed. “The knee jerk response a Rebel feels with every expectation is YOU CAN'T MAKE ME or I'LL SHOW YOU,” explained a student in the Creative Focus Workshop.

I’ve been writing a new lesson for the upcoming re-release of the Creative Focus Workshop about building new practices in your life to get the most important things done (yes that’s fancy-talk for “habits”). So I needed to take a hard look at all the many rebels I know (ahem), to address how they (I) can leverage their (my) pointy-but-tough personalities to get where they (I) want to be.

First thing I need to say is that being a rebel is not a bad thing. Rebels often have the most interesting lives. They’re willing to take risks and try things that other people just won’t. Even when something starts basically out of pure spite, it can evolve into a rich and absolutely unique practice.

When I first got to college, I took Chinese, Screenwriting, 19th Century Russian Lit, and Astrophysics. Why? Because they were weird, basically. Chinese and Astrophysics were a bust and a waste of time for me, to be honest. But Screenwriting and Russian Lit have had long-tail effects on my life. I see pure cussedness as key to the puzzle as to why I’ve taken this weird path that has led me so many interesting places.

Although, according to Rubin, I’m actually a Questioner. Which also tracks.

Some ideas for redirecting that rebel impulse

OK, but let’s be real: It’s a pain in the ass to constantly feel compelled to be different.

But here's the thing: Rebels can actually harness their unique strengths to take on habits that get them where they want to go. The key is to frame habits as personal choices that align with your values and self-expression.

Adopting a habit, not in some easily-abandoned way, but as an ingrained part of your life, is actually about adopting a new identity. For Rebels, this is even more significant. This is because Rebels will only adopt habits they perceive as fundamental to their unique self, so that the fulfillment of these habits becomes an expression of who they are

If you’ve got some rebel in you, instead of thinking of a habit as something you “should” do, you need to figure out how you can experience this habit as an authentic expression of who you are.

A participant in the CFW shared how the difference between a “You Should” and an “I Am” shows up, to her bafflement, in her life:

“I will get up at five a.m., make a full breakfast, put two kids in a trailer and bike them six miles across town uphill in twenty degree weather, or rain or snow, while pregnant, and arrive on time to the only public school with free pre-K.

But do I bike across town for a parent-teacher conference? Nope. I know that arriving on time and parent-teacher conferences are of roughly the same importance. I honestly have no idea why I can't do it.”

Here's the thing: That early morning biking routine is a core part of her identity as a mother. The conference? Not so much. When habits click with a Rebel's sense of self, they become non-negotiable. When habits and structure align with a Rebel’s identity and values, they will perform superhuman feats. The question is, how to incorporate new habits and structure just as firmly?

Here are some ideas for implementing changes in your habits despite (or with the help of!) Rebel tendencies.

• Make sure you're not just plain overworked and burnt out. That will make anyone rebel, and natural Rebels will rebel harder than anyone else. If that’s the case, say more no, not less.
• Reframe habits as an act of rebellion against societal norms. For example, blocking off time for deep work is rebelling against 24/7 connectivity. Saying no to projects that others want you to do, but that aren’t aligned with your priorities is rebelling against the pressure to be agreeable.
• Build in choice and flexibility. Create habit menus to pick from, not rigid schedules.
• Progress, not perfection. You'll fall off track sometimes and that's okay. Extend some compassion to yourself.

And remember, your Rebel nature can be a real superpower. Forge your own path, prove to yourself and others that you solve problems in innovative ways. Channel that contrarian spirit in constructive directions and you'll be unstoppable.

You got this, you smoldering Rebel. Now go do things your way.

Jessica